How to Talk to Your Parents About Making an LPA (Without Making It About Money)
Updated: Oct 14
Summary
Capacity sets the deadline: Your parents need mental capacity at the moment they make a Lasting Power of Attorney (LPA). Once capacity is lost permanently, the LPA option closes.
The donee’s role is set by law: A named donee must exercise the powers granted under your parent’s LPA in accordance with the Mental Capacity Act (MCA) and in your parent’s best interests.
Framing makes the conversation land: You should structure the LPA conversation around protecting your parent's own choices, keeping the talk well away from inheritance and money.
Bringing up the Lasting Power of Attorney (LPA) with an ageing parent is a touchy conversation in Singapore. Raising the idea of your dad or mum losing mental capacity can feel unkind when nothing appears to be wrong. And depending on your choice of words, you may even come across as being hyperfocused on money and inheritance, which is the last thing you want.
The discomfort is understandable, and it explains why so many families still have no LPA in place. But you should not wait for a crisis to happen before having the conversation. Getting the framing right from the start makes an enormous difference to how your conversation with your parents goes.
After all, making an LPA allows your parents, while they still have mental capacity, to appoint the people they choose to make decisions for them if they become incapable of doing so. As an LPA can only be made while mental capacity is intact, the best time to make one is now.
An LPA also covers far more than money. Your parent can give their donee authority over Personal Welfare decisions, such as where they live, their day-to-day care, and who they have contact with. Donees also have authority to manage Property & Affairs decisions, such as managing bank accounts, paying bills, and dealing with property.
In other words, an LPA addresses both your parent’s wellbeing and their finances.
Why You Can't Wait to Make an LPA for Elderly Parents in Singapore
An LPA can only be made while the person making it has mental capacity, and the deadline is firm. When an LPA is made, the donor must have the requisite mental capacity, regardless of their age or general health. Do note that while mental capacity does gradually decrease with age, other scenarios like a stroke or a serious accident can also trigger loss of mental capacity.
What does this mean for you?
In short, an LPA must be made before mental capacity is lost, and that loss can sometimes happen unexpectedly. The right time to make an LPA is while it still feels unnecessary and premature.
What Does Being a Donee Under Your Parent's LPA Mean?
Many parents, and even adult children, quietly assume that being named a donee has something to do with inheritance. The truth is that it does not, and saying so plainly early on takes a lot of the awkwardness out of the conversation.
Under an LPA, a donee is given the authority to make decisions on the donor's behalf, for the donor's benefit, if and when the donor loses capacity. The donee must exercise the powers granted under the LPA in accordance with the Mental Capacity Act (MCA) and in the donor's best interests. Fiduciary duties are part of these duties, but the donee’s responsibilities under the MCA are broader.
The LPA neither gives ownership of assets nor automatic inheritance. The donee also has no authority beyond the defined powers set out in the LPA itself.
If the donor regains capacity, the donee must step aside so the donor can make their own decisions again. The LPA itself stays valid, and the donee can act again if the donor later loses mental capacity with no need for a new LPA. The LPA only comes to an end when the donor passes away, or if the donor revokes it while they still have mental capacity.
Seen this way, the conversation is about something much simpler: it should be about who your parent trusts is the most suitable, willing, and able person to look after their affairs and wellbeing if they can't do so themselves.
How to Convince Your Parents to Make an LPA, Minus the Money Talk
Your next step is to frame the LPA conversation around protecting your parent's own choices. A few approaches help, as outlined below:
Start with their autonomy. "We need to sort this out in case something happens to you" puts the focus on the family's burden. Try framing it around their choice instead. For example: "I want to make sure that if you can’t make decisions for a while, you still call the shots through someone you trust." The emphasis moves from a burden on the family to protection for your parent.
It also helps to treat an LPA as something every adult should have, so it doesn't sound like a response to a worry about their health. If you're considering your own LPA, or have already made one, say so. The conversation then feels like something you're doing together as a family.
Separate the LPA conversation from any talk about a Will. Your parent may mix the two up and assume an LPA is a roundabout way of discussing inheritance. Make it clear that an LPA only covers decisions made while they're alive. It has nothing to do with who receives what after they pass, and saying so directly clears up the misunderstanding.
Finally, let your parent choose their donee. Give them room to reach their own answer, even if the answer turns out to be you. "Who do you want to make decisions for you if you can’t?" lands far better than "Make me your donee."
If your parent wants to appoint more than one donee, it is worth considering how these donees will act together. Donees can be appointed to act jointly, where all of them must agree on every decision, or jointly and severally, where any one of them can act alone.
Settling this rule from the start is part of capturing your parent’s intentions correctly, and it helps keep family relationships intact if the LPA ever needs to be used.
What to Do if Convincing Your Parents to Make an LPA Doesn't Work Right Away
If this happens, don’t fret! The first conversation can be uncomfortable for your parent.
If your parent is resistant, it often works better to let the idea sit for a while instead of pushing hard in a single conversation. Coming back to it later, perhaps after a relevant news story or a friend's experience with an ageing parent, works better than repeated direct requests.
Just make sure that you don’t allow the discomfort to turn into indefinite postponement. Your parent will not be able to make an LPA once they lose their mental capacity.
An LPA for Elderly Parents is Part of a Larger Estate Plan
Once your parent has made an LPA, you can gently raise the rest of their plan. Are their Will and Central Provident Fund (CPF) nominations up to date? Would a testamentary trust make sense for their estate?
These talks usually get easier after the first one about the LPA. They matter for the same reason, too: each one can protect a different part of their overall estate plan. Do note that not every family needs every one of these estate planning instruments. Each serves a different purpose, and the right mix depends on your parent’s circumstances and wishes.
Ensure Your Parent’s Voice is Heard by Building Your LPA with Mezzanine Legacy
Whether you’ve started the LPA conversation with your parents or not, we’re here to help you with your next practical steps. At Mezzanine Legacy, we’re committed to making the whole LPA and estate planning process as clear as possible for you and your loved ones.
Our team of qualified and experienced estate planners works closely with you to help your parents build their LPA, Will, and the rest of their estate plan with care. We keep the focus on protecting your parents, so all of you can have peace of mind about what comes next.
We help you determine:
Who should act
How they should act
Identify and assess whether Form 1 or Form 2 is appropriate for you
How your LPA fits into your wider estate plan
Book a free consultation with us to plan the conversation with your parents, and the steps that follow once they say yes.
Frequently Asked Questions
Why can't my parents make an LPA later when they're older?
Your parents can only make a Lasting Power of Attorney (LPA) while they have mental capacity, so waiting carries a risk. If they lose mental capacity, whether gradually through dementia or suddenly after a stroke or accident, they cannot make an LPA. The best time to make one is while it still feels premature.
Does being a donee mean I'll inherit more from my parent?
No. Being a donee doesn't change what you inherit from your parent. A donee must act in accordance with the Mental Capacity Act and in the donor's best interests, with no ownership stake in their assets and no right to inherit. If the donor regains capacity, the donee steps aside, but the LPA stays valid and only ends when the donor passes away or revokes it.
How do I bring up the LPA question without sounding like I'm after their money?
The best way to raise an LPA without sounding like a money talk is to frame it around protecting your parent's own choices. Keep the conversation clearly separate from any discussion of Wills or inheritance. It can also help to mention that you're considering, or have already made, your own LPA.
What if my parent doesn't want to talk about making an LPA?
If your parent doesn't want to talk about an LPA, let the conversation rest and come back to it later. A relevant news story or a friend's experience with an ageing parent can be a natural prompt. Gentle, repeated mentions work better than a single direct push.
Should I be appointed as my parent’s donee?
Who becomes donee is your parent's choice to make, even if they end up not choosing you. Give them the freedom to decide who they'd trust to act on their behalf without putting unnecessary pressure on them. Beyond trust, they should also consider whether the person is suitable, willing, and able to take on the responsibility of being your parent’s donee.